


I can't talk to you about it (not yet)

by neomaxizoomdweebie



Series: one shots to deal with traumatazing updates [1]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Support, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bfs who love each other a lot, isak is a supportive and gentle bf, just a short short one shot to vent my feelings about todays clip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 09:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10739202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neomaxizoomdweebie/pseuds/neomaxizoomdweebie
Summary: Do you know how much your love weighs, Even?





	I can't talk to you about it (not yet)

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I wrote this just after clip Snakket ikke om han where Even approaches Sana about Mikael, it does not take any information after that clip into account!
> 
> Okay so I was supposed to have a really productive day. But this clip killed me way dead and so I wrote this rather than working on my thesis. whoops... 
> 
> Anyway.. it really short but I hope you'll like it! :) 
> 
> You can cry about skam with me on [tumblr](http://the-neo-maxi-zoom-dweebie.tumblr.com/) if you want to.

They didn’t talk after they got home. Isak sat at the kitchen table, waiting for Even to say something. Or to at least look at him. Because he couldn’t let this go. Whatever it was that was responsible for the worn down, tired look on Even’s face was too important to for that.

But Even didn’t say anything, or look at him. He just kept cleaning their tiny kitchen even though there was nothing left to clean. Then he moved on to their bedroom where Isak couldn’t see him.

Isak steeled himself, he knew they had to talk about this, for once he was certain he was right.

The sight that met him when he reached the doorway made his his heart clench painfully. Even was sat on the edge of the bed, his face in his hands. He looked like he was in pain.

“Even,” Isak whispered, “baby.”

Even just shook his head, when he eventually looked up there was determination in his eyes. It was different from the breezy smiles he’s been giving Isak when the subject of Mikael had been brought up before. He wasn’t deflecting anymore, he just wasn’t telling.

Isak crossed the short space between them and crouched down in front of him.

“You can’t go in like this.” Isak rested a careful hand on Evens thigh and placed the other one on the bed, boxing Even in. “You’re getting tired.”

Even stared down at his lap, his hand covering most of his face from Isaks view.

“I can’t talk to you about it.”

Isak felt tears fill his eyes at that. He didn’t know what to do. They had been doing so good, they had been talking non-stop for months. About good and bad things, it had felt like he’d been making room for Even underneath his skin and vise versa. But for some reason this was different, and he couldn’t force Even to trust him with it.

“You can’t talk about it or you can’t talk to _me_ about it?”

“Both.” Even still avoided Isaks worried eyes but he leant forwards a little, like he wanted the comfort of Isaks touch but didn’t dare to go all the way. He was only a couple inches away now, and Isak knew Even could feel his breath on his face.

“Okay.” Isak was whispering again. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

He stroked a soothing thumb back and forth over Evens thigh. “But, could you maybe tell me what you think would happen if you did?”

Even gave out a shaky breath, and leaned forward fully so that the side of his face was rested against Isaks. Temple to temple.

“You would hate me.”

It was barely audible, but it still somehow was loud enough to leave Isak’s ears ringing. He’d heard it before of course. But it had been a hypothetical then, or at least that’s what Isak had thought. A nightmare, a monster under the bed. He hadn’t knows that Even had really thought of it as an actuality, something that was bound to catch up with him.

“Do you know how much your love weighs, Even?” Isak started carefully, not quite sure how to go about explaining this to him, not sure if he could ever really take these fears away from him.

Even glanced up at him, a confused wrinkle between his eyebrows and his eyes filled to the brim with tears just waiting to spill over.

“Every time you look at me, or touch me, or breathes or does fucking anything at all, I feel like there’s a small weight settling inside me.” He took advantage of Even’s confusion and moved his other hand to Even’s waist, hoping to ground him there on their bed. “Before I met you I felt like all the possibilities in the world were teasing me, I felt like everything was possible but not _here_ , never where _I_ was. And there was nothing I could do about it. I felt like a fly who can’t find the the open window and just keeps hitting the glass.”

Isak tried to smile, even though he was sort of crying now.

“But now, all that is gone. Now I feel like I belong here, and I’ll just have to grab whatever opportunities that happens to come my way. And it’s okay because I know that this is my place in the universe. You did that for me. When you kiss me, when you tell me you love me, when you keep cleaning even though it’s already spotless…you add weight to my stomach, and to my heart and to my bones. I can handle everything now, I can weather storms if I need to. I’m steady enough now.”

He was still stroking Evens thigh and waist while Even had gone completely still next to him, but his nose was nuzzled by Isak’s ear.

“So you need to ask yourself baby, this secret, whatever it is, can it move a fucking mountain?”

Even let out a shaky breath against Isak’s cheek, his hands coming up to clutch at Isaks shoulders.

“Because if not.. Then it’s got nothing on my love for you.”


End file.
